How do you not feel bad for not doing things that you dont wanna do?

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There are some days when we simply do not want to do certain things, but we do them anyway because if we don’t, we will feel bad about it for the rest of our lives!!! I think we (women) were pre-programmed to never say NO to certain things. Maybe it’s because of the way we were raised, that we must be obedient and courteous
For that reason, I believe our self-esteem may depend on the things we do for other people, and it can become a vicious cycle, in which the people around us expect their desires to be fulfilled immediately. Being unable to say NO, make us stressed, irritable, and tired, so we need to evaluate the situation twice before accepting it. I have been like this for many years in my life. Saying NO to someone always seemed difficult because in doing so I felt selfish and feared that people would not like me, especially denying something to my children, my parents, my husband or my boss at work. Honestly? We need to know how to say NO, to gain respect for ourselves and for those around us. I will make a list of things we can deny for today for example, and the good news is: we can do anything just for us! See the positive side of saying NO to someone: Use this time and do something special for yourself. How long has it been since you allowed some time for yourself? It may simply be doing nothing or shopping for you (FASHION CLOTHES) and not for the home (GROCERIES). NOT DOING EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY ELSE! While this sounds generous, it leads to a bad result: often I expect other people to appreciate my efforts — or at least notice my efforts — and while sometimes it makes me feel virtuous, sometimes it makes me feel resentful. Do you know why? Because the most of time they don’t appreciate my efforts! They are already used to receiving everything handed to them! so, stop a little and think. You deserve it!

I thought of this post last night as I rummaged through my box of photographs I took throughout my life. So I decided to illustrate this post with some very old photos of my life when I was much more stressed than I am today and much younger of course. I always worked so hard since I was a teenager, and in my adult life, I become a stressed and arrogant woman. Unfortunately, maybe because the fashion business is like that. Everybody thinks they are the best! It’s a lot of competition too. Yes, the fashion world made me arrogant for a while, but I got better! Go back to subject Inez! Ok! There is something we can do for us instead does for others:

1- Take that beauty shower instead of putting the dishes in the dishwasher


This photo it was in a Paris hotel when I working at fashion business. I think it was 1997.

2- Enjoy your Saturday and go to a Zen Buddhist retreat to meditate, to look within yourself and also get a skin cleansing with natural products rather than buying groceries. Believe me, no one in your house is going to starve for one day!

This photo it was in 2005. My first experience doing a retreat Zen Buddhist. It was amazing!

You can go to your church or beauty salon as well. You decide what you want to do for yourself

3- Grab your favorite champagne and listen to your favorite playlist by yourself!

This photo it was in 2007 in the weekend in my house in Brazil

It’s fun enjoying a drink in your own home.CHEERS!!!

4-Use your day off and go to your friend photo studio and have some funny pictures to laugh a lot when you are older.

This photo was actually made by a great friend photographer and later became an exhibition about fashion designers interacting with some weird objects. It was in the year 2006

I always imagine myself old lady laughing a lot of the good and funny things that I did in life!

5-PAUSE! I need to stop everything and just contemplate my life! How beautiful my life is! how thankful i am to be here until today!having great ideas to reinvent myself.It is so good be thankful to the universe! Pause! Pause! And menopause as well!

This photo was in Italy on one of the hundreds of fashion research trips I’ve done in my life as a stylist. I seem to be upset but I was just too tired to walk all day walking in and out of shops and trade shows. It was in 1987.

6-Take a boat ride, kayak, or even a carriage instead of taking your kids to your classmate’s birthday party. Ask  your spouse ( he can survive this, believe me!),or ask your brother, your mother or your friend who is already taking her children there. 

This photo was in NY at Central park, also on one of my fashion travel trips. It was 2000.

7- Allow yourself to sit at your favorite restaurant, have your brunch or lunch without a rush. Drink your coffee and enjoy a cigarette. At the time of this photo was still allowed to smoke in restaurants and bars although I prefer the days of today because I hate smoke and cigarette smell. Postpone for tomorrow to prepare the papers for income tax.


This photo was Los Angeles when I went to produce a fashion catalog of the company I worked for. year 1999

Like I said before, I was reviewing old photos and I just enjoy the idea of writing this post. I was not that way at the time, but today I allow myself to say NO more easily and without feeling guilty for setting boundaries and having limits. I prioritize my well being and my physical and mental health. I only wish we had maturity to understand that we need to look at ourselves and hear our hearts forever! For this reason I decided to illustrate this post with some remarkable photos of my life a long time ago. And it was very good to remember everything and how I grew as a human being. Living and learning, always!

Me,myself and my remote control. 2018-  selfie portrait at my home photo studio.


Okay! I hope you like this post! Thanks ! See you latter!

Inez Devereaux


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